Self-care and the solo entrepreneur

Once upon a time, when I was for working the proverbial man, I was a self-professed workaholic. In the almost two years since I pivoted to solo entrepreneurship, I have reached new heights – or perhaps it would be more appropriate to say new depths – of workaholism and self-neglect.

There. I feel better now that I’ve said it. Since I’m being honest, the words self-care and self-love were also never part of my vocabulary growing up and are still alien concepts with which I grapple daily.

In that past life, I had a demanding but fairly predictable job, dictated by a cyclical academic calendar, that made my life and self-care routine neatly programmable. I took advantage of winter, spring and summer breaks to do the big stuff and knowing most of my schedule in advance facilitated booking everything from the more frequent stuff like haircuts, manicures, and teeth cleanings, to yearly mammograms, blood tests, check-ups, etc. That was my self-care routine – more or less – consistent if a bit limited.

Today, I look at self-care as something more holistic, but we’ll get there in a second. I’m still working on self-love.

Everything changed dramatically and resoundingly when I resigned from my former life. The lines between work and home were already blurred, but now holidays and weekends no longer exist, I keep strange, long hours, I put myself last, I barely give myself a second thought. I don’t like to admit this, but I have become remiss, very, very remiss. To make up for it, I have declared February Fosca’s self-care and self-love month and I have a plan that I’d like to share with you. I hope you are taking good care of yourselves, but if you are not, please do so now!

It’s an ambitious plan, I doubt I’ll be accomplish everything I hope to do this month, but I have promised myself that by February 28 I will have at least reserved the following in the name of self-care and self-love.

Spoiler alert: I have completed a couple of them already, but, to my credit, it is already almost mid-February. The fact that this is the shortest month puts more pressure on me, and I work best under pressure. Why have I written all of this down? As a reminder to me, and to us all, that February is for loving.  

Massages

I booked a massage. It felt like an easy first step, manageable, doable. It’s a place I already know and love, I’m in their system so reserving is seamless, and it’s a 15-minute walk from my house. I discovered massages late in life, but man am I glad I did! I called on a Friday morning, hoping for a Saturday appointment, but was told the only opening they had was Sunday at 2:00 p.m. and that it was 90 minutes and not the 60 I had requested. I snatched up the last spot! I don’t recall the last time I had a massage, I’m going to say it’s been at least two years. Now, I can’t say for certain what kind of magic happened in that hour and a half because I slept so well I was drooling for probably 85 minutes of it, but here are a few highlights I was awake for: at a certain point my jaw began to tremor uncontrollably, so much so that I started to worry; but just as I was about to attempt to say something through my trembling mouth, the shakes were replaced by tears. That was the feel of release. Then, with every single crack of my back, came the sounds of it. I was so drowsy and out of it, I didn’t even realize the masseuse was finished and had to ask her how much time had passed. I had entered into some liminal space, between heaven and earth. I could barely get up from the massage table yet somehow managed to crawl my way home, get into bed, and nap for two hours.

On the merits of the disco nap

I am the queen of the power or disco nap. I consider it a talent of mine, a staple of my life and self-care routine for as long as I can remember. I’m technically lying when I say naps are part of my self-care routine because they are really more of a survival thing. I used to suffer from terrible insomnia so naps were essential to my functioning. Now I am just a chronic super early riser, which is fine if I have no evening obligations, but as an always-hustling solo freelancer, I often do. Without my short, restorative naps I would never be able to work as much as I do or stay out late as late as I do. The post-massage nap was a fluke. Nowadays I’m lucky if I can nap for 10 or 20 minutes straight, which brings me to my next point.

Meditation

I’ve always been intellectually and spiritually fascinated by meditation but, until recently, was convinced I was incapable of it because it’s very difficult for me to sit still, calm down, and relax. You’re seeing a pattern here. But about a year ago I started getting very serious about meditation and something finally clicked; I think because I focused and tried so hard, it became a priority and a challenge for me. I am slowly getting there. My naps can only be reached through meditation, sometimes I need it to fall asleep at night, too, depending on how hyped up I am. I use visualization and breathing techniques that lull, re-center, and re-energize me. It’s been a game changer.

Retreats

I finally bit the bullet and signed up for a retreat. So, if you try to get in touch with me in early April, chances are you won’t get an immediate response because for one glorious weekend I will be participating in a Slow Life Retreat in Tuscany, a bold attempt to step away from the rush of daily life and into a space of deep relaxation and renewal. My good friend, superwoman slow life coach, Sandrine Kom, podcast guest, and experience leader on my reality TV stint, is hosting the retreat, one of three she’s offering this year. Ever-patient and encouraging Sandrine has been on a mission impossible to transform this stressed out superwoman into a zen superwoman since we first met. It’s a tall order but I know I’m in expert hands and I’m up for the challenge. Watch this space to find out what happens when I digitally detox, embrace balance and boundaries, and reconnect with nature. Will self-care averse me be able to slow down and finally relax guilt-free? Stay tuned!

Pleasure

My first episode of the new season of 15 with Fosca the podcast, launching on Valentine’s Day💘, is about pleasure in all its forms and features a fascinating q&a with Giulia Heuser, co-founder with Francesca De Gaudio of La Clit, Coffee Literature Inspiration &(s3x) Toys, one of the most exciting new appearances on the Florentine scene that is literally taking the city by storm. This past weekend, I attended one of the many events they organize, a “Sip & Play”, co-hosted with Querceto di Castellina wines in the warm, welcoming, beautiful ambience of The 22. It was a multi-sensorial celebration of care and love for oneself, an evening centered on pleasure in various iterations: exquisite wines and scrumptious bites, La Clit’s array of beautifully designed sex toys, colorful, freshly cut flowers, candles, music, sharing, chatting and learning in the delightful company of international, intergenerational, interesting, fun, and inquisitive women.

Reality

I have begun scheduling my blood tests, routine doctor’s appointments, the dentist, etc. I’m not that bad about self-care, not a lost cause just yet! Since this year is a big year for me – I turn 55 in September – I am also indulging in all sorts of fun, age-appropriate diagnostic testing activities. But seriously, I won’t be able to do everything in the next month, but those appointments will be made. This is my top self-care and self-love priority. I really hope it’s yours, too.

Variety is the spice of self-care

I am a creature of habit, but get easily bored. I already play tennis twice a week and when not holed-up and sedentary writing or in meetings, I typically clock around 10 km a day walking. But that, my friends is also survival, not self-care, although it technically is. The truth is I have to burn off all my nervous energy and anxiety somewhere. Lately I feel like I want to pick up something new like pilates, or give yoga another try, sing again, or revisit old loves like piano, theater and dancing. Learning new things, evolving, being physically active and creative, always feel like self-care and self-love to me and have been at the core of this lifelong quest. Feed your heads!

Human Connection & Conversations

I am a classic extroverted introvert and need a lot of time and space to recharge alone. I am very comfortable in that kind of solitude and it’s an important way I care for myself. Having said that, I am also kind of a social butterfly and relish the chance to meet new people and hear their stories (duh, I know, I host a podcast for a reason). I especially like it when I can learn new things from experts and have an open dialogue and share experiences with others around a given subject. Unsurprisingly, the wonderful women at WIN (Women’s International Network Florence) also know that February is for self-loving and the brand new Women’s Wellness Collective will be hosting an event, Self-Care, Prioritizing YOU in a Busy World, on February 25. I’ll see you there!