The 40-minute drive to Panzano in Chianti soothed my worries and agitation like a mystical balm.

As the urban chaos gave way to the soft green hills of the Chianti, I was one of very few drivers on the road. I felt the tension leave my body, my shoulders eased as did my grip on the wheel, I let my back rest softly on the driver’s seat of Bianca, my trusted Fiat 500 and faithful adventure companion. My mood began to shift, I was finally relaxing.

Earlier that morning, fortified by my double espresso, I had arrived at a neighborhood hair salon just as they were opening. I entered, greeting the young woman with a warm buongiorno, and asked if I could get a shampoo e una piega (a wash and blowout) then and there. She shook her head no while she studied the appointment book, dopo pranzo, after lunch, she said with conviction. I pleaded with her, I am going to to be on national TV, I am on my way to the Chianti for 5 days of shooting for an important network, with an important host. No, I can’t give any further details but I beg you, per favore, ti prego.

I looked her square in the eyes, and stated gravely, woman to woman, there will be no hair or makeup person. Little did I know that I was about to meet Siena-based make-up artist extraordinaire, Valentina Giannettoni Mua, whose kindness and expertise served as another magical potion that calmed my nerves throughout the entire shooting process.

The lovely young woman at the hair salon fit me in, did my hair herself, and I was out in 30 minutes flat. I spent the rest of the morning in a cloud of anxiety.

I studied the road, which I know well, on Google Maps more times than I care to admit. I have no sense of direction and that troubled me, getting lost or arriving late. I packed my final things, took selfies and videos attesting to what I was feeling in that exact moment. I carefully applied brand new makeup, there had been many advisors on that, and I had spent more money on cosmetics, and time being overly concerned about them, than I have in my entire life.

I don’t remember what and if I ate. At a certain point I felt as ready as I would ever be. I loaded up my car and headed out into the unknown. This was finally happening.

Remembrance of things past

I arrived at our meeting point, the stunning Pensione di Vignamaggio in the heart of Panzano’s charming main piazza early, really early. I think at least an hour before. I went into the pensione and began chatting with the staff. They were affable and welcoming, the place enchanting, we discovered we had friends in common, I asked if the others had arrived. They thought I was part of the production company but I informed them, with a nervous laugh, that I was actually part of the cast. I would ask myself shortly thereafter what made them think that. No other cast member had arrived.

As I sipped an excellent espresso on their magnificent terrace, enjoying the view, the light breeze and aroma of wisteria in full bloom, I focused on what was about to happen. I realized I felt good, excited, energized. I got a welcome text from a member of the production team, informed one of the writers and my point person that I had already arrived, that I was so happy to be here.

I was in a place that was very familiar to me. Suddenly I was struck by forgotten memories, spending time with my father, his best friend from college, and my ex husband at Casaloste, the taste of the meatloaf we ate from the original Macelleria Cecchini, the wine we drank, it must have been a Casaloste Chianti Riserva. I still remember every detail of that day, our lunch, the weather, the smell in the air.

That was more than 25 years ago, I have since returned other times, several, a particularly memorable one perhaps 10 or so years ago to meet with Dario Cecchini and share his philosophy and cuisine with Stanford students I accompanied on a Food and Politics class field trip. How could I have buried those precious memories, the many times I had visited this place over the years? I suddenly felt strengthened by and gratitude for this unexpected and most welcome moment of treasured reminiscing.

What do you want out of this?

In the very narrow lead time before filming started, I was even more fretful and wound up than usual. I worked with my tennis coach, Matteo Perchiazzi, a professional mentor, whom I interviewed on the podcast, not only on my game, but on what I was hoping to gain from the experience. As we played tennis we spoke about visualizing and setting attainable goals and results, and he asked me, straight up, what do you want out of this?

I knew the answer and replied from across the court, without hesitation, I want to get my voice back, to be visible again or perhaps to be seen and heard for the first time.

I have to confess that I was so focused on minutiae and needless concerns in the countdown to “day one” that I did lose sight of the goal(s) more than once.

That wasn’t the only thing. I was plagued by fears and insecurities that I wasn’t ready to face. I spent hours panicking. One of my biggest worries was that I would not like my fellow contestants and that they would hate me, that we wouldn’t get along with each other or with our celebrity host. I wasted time, energy, and bandwidth unnecessarily there. I hit the jackpot and got to meet and work with an exceptional team of professionals and wonderful and talented human beings.

The minute I stepped foot “on set” every single fear, worry, hope and goal vanished, replaced by something I didn’t know I had in me, something that surprised me in ways that I could never have imagined and that I still can neither name nor understand.

Show time – Ciak!

The moment has finally arrived. After an over six-month wait, my episode of Best Weekend airs in Italy today, Tuesday, October 22 at 9:30 p.m. on Nove Warner Bros Discovery.  I’m working on finding out if and how it will be accessible outside of Italy—I’ll share any updates as soon as I have them! 

In the meantime, you can find plenty of sneak peaks and footage on the channel’s official website as well as on their social media. I will also be posting updates to my socials and here, and will even be dedicating a podcast episode to what was going on behind-the-scenes, what it was really like to be on reality TV, and how it felt to be cast as the only non-Italian local expert, chosen to give my two fellow contestants, Gregorio and Emanuela, and our host Francesco, the best weekend possible in my beloved Chianti.  I hope you’ll watch it!